All went well today. Thank you all for praying! We are praising God!
Almost 3 years ago, we found a lump on the side of our 8 month old son, Caelan. He was diagnosed with cancer shortly after that and we went through surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, and a lot of trials. Almost a year ago during a routine scan, the doctors found enlarged lymph nodes and were almost certain that the cancer had returned. Barring a miracle, Caelan's chances were not good. But, God was gracious and either the doctors were wrong or God healed him.
Every 4 months, we go back for scans to make sure the cancer has not returned. It is a really scary time. About a week or two before we go, I start struggling with fear and anxiety. I don't really think about it consciously, but the stress of the scans starts to affect me. Add that to the week that I just had with lots of travel and two family funerals and I wasn't doing the best. I also visited with two different men last night that are succumbing to cancer and it was heartbreaking.
So, today was tough. It took forever as we had to wait and wait and wait. We talked to some folks at clinic whose daughter did not have a good prognosis. My prayers are with them tonight as they got some really bad news today. For those that have never been through this, consider yourselves fortunate. You have no idea about the suffering and fear that exists inside the walls of the children's hospitals in our world. I hate the place and love it at the same time. Hate it because of what we have had to go through with it and love it because God used it to save my son's life.
I've told our oncologist that when he comes to see us with the results, I don't want to hear anything out of his mouth except for "Scans are good," or "There is a problem." No small talk. No chit-chat. Don't ask me how I'm doing. Nothing. Just tell me. Actually, I think that I'm going to ask him to just text me next time before he comes in. He came in today and just started talking. I was certain the news was bad. It is always bad when they start trying to build a relationship with you, right? They want to let you down easy, it seems. At least that's what happened last year. I was having none of it. Tell it to me straight, Doc. He told us that he hadn't seen the scans yet so he didn't know. He didn't know?!?!? Then, why was he talking to us?!?!? After the room stopped spinning and my heart rate slowed down to around 150 or so, I could begin to understand that it'd be a while. This was feeling like one of those no good, very bad days.
But, praise God, when he came back later, he IMMEDIATELY told us (he's learning) that everything was fine. YES! What a relief! We do not have to go back for 4 more months. The day that I've dreaded has come and gone and God got us through it. Thank you for all your prayers. I've learned a lot through all of this and I've found that even though treatment is over, cancer leaves a mark on your soul, your memories, your family, and your view of life. It stinks. But, God is greater than cancer and no matter what happens, this life is not all there is.
Tonight, I'm thanking God for His gracious deliverance. I'm also asking him to comfort the parents of a 4 year old girl that I met today who got some really bad news right aroud the same time that we were getting our good news. They are believers in Christ just like we are. God loves them just as much as He loves us. I don't understand all of this, but I know that God is good and that He is our deliverer. I am praying for healing for that little girl. She needs a miracle. Her name is Cassy and I know that her parents would appreciate your prayers.
I hate cancer.